The Pit of Doubt

There's a lot of reasons I had such a hard time for so long accepting what I wanted to believe about God and reconciling it with Christian beliefs (not just "stuff in the Bible", but "what Christians said it meant"). I think it's important to share how I did this, partly for myself, and partly because if there's someone else out there whose doubts are similar to mine, maybe it'll help them work through theirs.

So I'm going to start with the really really big one. I'm gonna start with Hell.

It's something even some devout Christians, even the ones whose doubts are few and far between, have some trouble with, but the questions are asked by people of all beliefs: "How could a loving God condemn people to eternal torment just for not saying the right words?" Or "If God really loves everyone, why would he let anyone suffer for all eternity just for making some mistakes?" Or—and this one is particularly personal for me—"What kind of loving God would send my friends to eternal punishment because of what they believed?"

Of course, even a lot of people few people would accuse of Not Really Being Christian disagree on Hell. The Bible itself is a bit unclear on the point, so that's not exactly surprising.

Now, if you believe that Hell is eternal torment, torture, flames licking at your feet, devils tormenting you, etc. and so forth, obviously it's going to be hard to say, and mean, "God is a loving God". Obviously it's not going to be, "Tra-la-la, yeah, fine, my friend who died a couple years ago is currently being tortured, like his life wasn't hard enough, some love there..."

But I know I'm not alone in believing that Hell, the lake of fire, is not eternal torment, but rather, simple destruction. Some people think this is wishful thinking. But for me, it's based on what is written in the Bible:

Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. —Revelation 20: 11-15

Now, Revelation isn't the most straight-forward of books in the Bible (hoo boy is it not), but most Christians believe it's supposed to be relating the end times and what's going to happen, and if you read this bit about the final judgement, it seems pretty hopeful to those of us who don't think God's a sadist.

The important parts are these:

The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. [...] each person was judged according to what he had done.

Not what they'd believed. What they'd done.

I do think that belief is important. That it matters. But I also think that the things we do out of our beliefs are important to God. That they matter just as much. (There's a grace versus works essay in that somewhere, but we'll put that aside for now.) And that's what it says matters here.

It also says this:

The lake of fire is the second death.

Not eternal punishment. Not torture. Not pain and suffering. Death.

Just before the verses I quote above, it also says this:

And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. — Revelation 20:10

Some people will say that proves the lake of fire is a place of torment, but I don't agree. I think that the lake of fire is eternal punishment specifically for the three enemies of God named here: the devil, the beast, and the false prophet.

I think that if John had meant for us to read it such that the people being judged from the book of life were to join the devil in eternal punishment, he wouldn't have explicitly said that the lake of fire was the second death when he got to that part. I think he would have repeated the line about torment, or said they would join the devil, or some other language that would've been, well, different from what he actually wrote:

The lake of fire is the second death.

Revelation is confusing, though, so maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I should be looking elsewhere for my beliefs about Hell. Like maybe this:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. — John 3:16

Well... I still see the same thing. Says there, the believers shall not perish but have eternal life. What would be the opposite of that? People who perish. People who die.

Are there other passages that might prove me wrong? Some would say so, yes. Could I be wrong? Sure. I don't know the mind of God.

But the thing is, John 3:16 is the cornerstone of Christian belief. It's one of the most-quoted passages in the Bible for a reason. And Revelation? Well, here's what John himself wrote:

I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book. — Revelation 22:18-19

This is the where we should get our ideas on the end days from, it says. Maybe some other people said some other things, but this is how it's going to go. And if that's the case, then this is what it says: What you did was important, and will determine where you go... and your choices are death or eternal life. Your punishment if you didn't do it right is not eternal torment. It's missing out on Heaven.

And while I wouldn't want to do that, and I hope that my friends and family who have died are there right now, at least if they're not, the end isn't cruel.